I have a J-O-B!!!

I have not been consistent with my blogging. I blame it on my job search/ applications, manuscript writing for publications, and keeping up with my 10-month old infant. I stopped work in April 2013, just some weeks before our son was born. Ever since, I have been blessed by being a stay-at-home-mum and the primary caregiver of our son for these past 10 months. It has been a blessing watching him grow, bonding with him, and just being involved in his day-to-day activities. We go to the public library on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a book reading event and playtime. He gets to interact with his peers, and I get to hang out with other mamas. He goes to the nursery at church, and he actually enjoys himself, as long as he is being carried most of the time. I am about to start planning his 1st birthday. Geez!!! Where does the time go? I remember so clearly when he was just born.

I need to tell you guys the story of how this job came to be. What God has ordained for you, will never ever pass you by. What's yours is yours, come hell or high water.

I received an email from my former department's listserv in September about a cancer health disparities conference at Penn State Hershey on October 31st. Usually, I just delete these emails since I graduated and I get tired of them bombarding me with all these school related email. I decided to open it, because this is an area of research I worked on after my undergraduate degree. It was then I saw that my former boss was one of the keynote speakers at the event. This was a lady that I had been trying to get in contact with for the longest time. She is a big shot when it comes to cancer health disparities. Two things I knew: 1) I had to be there; and 2) I had to be there and talk to her. I then decided to send her an email with my former penn state email, and "Penn State cancer health disparities conference" in the subject line. She replied in less than an hour. Mind you, this is someone I have been trying to reach in forever! With that, I knew she was going to be present at the conference. As God would have it, my husband was off work on that day so he stayed home with lil' man, while I drove 1.5 hours to Hershey, Pennsylvania. 

I met with her and we chatted like old friends, catching up on life and all. That was when she told me that whenever I was ready to get back to work, there was one of her colleagues with an open position. She gave me his email and I contacted him that same day. Before the end of that week, I sent in all my application materials. I had a phone interview, and then an almost full day on-campus interview with about 8 people, and I also gave a job talk. As God would have it, out of all the finalists, I was selected to be a postdoctoral research fellow! I am excited that we get to stay in Maryland, though we may have to move closer to Baltimore. The commute from where we live now to my job is 53 minutes, without traffic.

The same day I got that offer, I got an email that I was one of the finalists selected for a second on-campus interview at another university in Michigan for an Assistant Professor position. I am going for the interview, but I am leaning more towards the 2-year postdoc fellowship. I need all the family support at this time, and being in Maryland close to family gives me just that opportunity. I have the reassurance and peace in my heart that when I complete the fellowship, it will open up bigger and better doors for me in Maryland, because I will be conducting research on a hot new area (that came about due to the Affordable Care Act and so there's loads of money pumped into it). This fellowship pays better (about $11,000 more) than most postdocs even National Institutes of Health postdocs. The Michigan faculty position is about $10- $15,000 more than the postdoc pay. I have no doubt that this postdoc is for me, and it is what God wants for my family and I at this time in our lives.

Babies, babies, babies everywhere.

Let me first start this post by saying I am not pregnant. About 5 of the ladies whose blog I follow are currently pregnant, and I am so happy for them. I have been a regular reader of their blogs for over a year now and I post comments occasionally. I pray they all have safe deliveries and healthy babies. I also pray that God gives each one of these families the wisdom to raise their children right. I will list them in the order I found out about their pregnancies.

Jessica at From Marriage to Motherhood- She will be welcoming her second daughter anytime from now. I love her ability to extend herself to others- from her church family, to her extended and immediate family. She is one crafty mama and her ability to organize and execute beautiful get togethers is so cool. She makes these cute bows, and such and sells them on etsy. It amazes me and I wonder where she gets the energy from with how much stuff she does with Ilah, her daughter, even now that she is heavily pregnant. She is married to a Nigerian man, so in my head, she is my blogger Nigerian sista. Ilah will be a wonderful big sister. God bless and protect your family.

Danielle at Living a Sari Life - She has a couple of weeks left in her pregnancy and she is having a girl. I feel like I know her personally and I was excited when she announced that she was pregnant. I was praising God on her behalf because she shared her struggles on how she was waiting for baby #2 and the lessons God taught her along the way. I was inspired by her story. I pray that God continues to bless and protect your family. Jordan will be an excellent big brother!

Pegstar at Life is Good- This lady is amazing. Her blog was one of the first ones I started reading. She is pregnant with her 3rd son, and the cool thing is that he will be my son's namesake. AWESOME!!! Pegstar is my blogger African sista of Cameroonian descent. Her sons- Tman & Jbird are so adorable. Some of the things I love about her- her love for family and the priority she places on her immediate and extended family, her love for travel, and her love for pictures (she's always trying to capture every moment). Anytime I come on Pegstar's blog, it's either I see a picture of her adorable boys, or her mother, brothers or grandmother.  She's so lucky to have her mother and grandmother live so close by. I was so excited for her when she announced her 3rd boy. God is indeed a God that specializes in abundant miracles and blessings beyond measure. I was inspired by her story on how she learned to have hope again and trust God even after the miscarriage she had. You are one strong woman, and I admire you. I hope I get to meet you in person one day since I live in MD now. I pray that God continues to bless and protect your family.

TOI at Life of TOI- I only just started following her blog recently. Her daughter, AOI, is such a cutie. This beautiful lady plans and executes many amazing activities with her daughter. I love how she spends quality time with AOI and most especially her "Letters to AOI." I think that's a brilliant idea. She is another blogger African sista of Ghanaian descent. I pray that God continues to bless and protect your family.

Kathy at Lovelace Files- Kathy is awesome with her DIY projects. This stylish mama doesn't mind getting her hands dirty and getting the job done. I love how she scores good deals to help her with getting her projects done. Her blog is one of those I'll be stalking when we purchase our home to give me decorating ideas and DIY tips. I also loved her son's 1st birthday party theme and all. I will be using some of those ideas. She is another blogger African sista of Kenyan descent.Avery aka Lil A will be an awesome older sibling. I pray that God continues to bless and protect your family.

In other news, my hair is shedding like crazy. This just started happening, or maybe I just started noticing it more last month. My edges are thinning out so bad. In addition to that, my scalp is getting so dry and peeling. I am almost tempted to cut off all my hair. Maybe because I stopped taking my prenatal vitamins. Who knows? Someone recommended that I should try washing my hair every week and use Dr. Miracle's Intensive Spot Serum Hair and Scalp Treatment. We will see if that works.

At NOO's 4-month doctor's appointment the other day, his pediatrician was talking about introducing a little bit of some solid foods now. I am yet to do my research on this, but his rationale was based on the American Association of Pediatrics recommendation. He said some studies show that children that are introduced to solid foods at 6-months or later are more likely to develop food allergies. I was planning to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and then gradually introduce solids. Any thoughts?

Updates

I am still alive and kicking. Just been very busy. What's new with me:

1) My little man NOO arrived in April, and for the most part, motherhood has been a blast. I am a stay-at-home mom temporarily. I am blessed for the opportunity to not have to work outside the home for now.
2) 9 days after I gave birth to my son, I greaduated with my PhD and my husband graduated too. It was really God that saw us through.
3) A month after, we both moved to Maryland for hubby to start his job.

Lessons learned so far

- Baby determines your schedule. You have to put your needs/ wants on hold to tend to his own needs.

- Difficult leaving him in care of others. I miss him terribly when I am away from him, but I know that it's also important for me to get breaks from time to time.

- I only do the essentials and quickly too. I really value my TIME now. I thought I was a pro at time management, but I am re-learning how to manage my time, or should I say OUR time.

- You get very good at doing things with one hand.

The other day I was trying to revise a paper for re-submission that was sent to me almost 3 months ago. The editor gave me a 2-month deadline. I had to ask for an extension till the end of August. I was sent a reminder 2 weeks ago and I had not started squat. I was busy thinking in my head, revisions take me about 3-4 days to complete. Moreover, this paper had few revisions so i figured all i needed was about 2 days, 3 max. Boy! Was I wrong or what? It took me almost a week to 10 days. Everytime I would pick up the paper to work on, little man is demanding something from me. I had to pull a couple of all nighters to get it done. This boy needs to be put on a schedule for real.

Essentials that got me through the first couple of months

Lansinoh cream (used only for about 3 days)

My brestfriend pillow (esp. for CS moms)

Avent nursing pad (disposable and washable)

Bodreaux’s butt paste cream
My baby bjorn carrier

I love Huggies diapers. Pampers are useless in my opinion.

Breastfeeding is going great for us. In the beginning when he would latch on, I would be in so much pain. After 1 week we were good. The lies they tell you that if it hurts, he is not latched on properly. BIG FAT LIE. NOO was latched on properly and it still hurt in the beginning, but it did get better. He is being exclusively breastfed and I plan on doing that for 6 months and then we will introduce solids. Though I had to supplement with formula before my milk came in, because he lost about 90% of his birthweight. He was born at  6lbs13oz and by the time we left the hospital he was at 6lbs3oz. Now at 4-months and 1 week he weighs about 17lbs. Everyone keeps asking what I am feeding him 'cos of his baby rolls which I love so much. My boy is growing like a champ! He sleeps for about 7-8 hours at night and only wakes up twice to eat and falls right asleep. That's about it for now. 

Choices you make today could determine your future

I have been closely following the Steubenville rape trial case (If you are not familiar with the case, see it here and here) for three reasons: 1) This is a topic I am passionate about in terms of my line of research; 2) My alma mater is the #1 or #2 party school in the US (with a serious alcohol/ drinking problem) and there was a huge sex scandal that rocked the university; and 3) I have taught a course on health & human sexuality (over the course of my 5 years in the PhD program), and almost every year I am shocked by some of the comments I hear or read (when papers are submitted) about rape & sexual assault. Some of these youngsters have no idea that what they just described in their papers or in an off-hand comment could actually be considered rape and/or sexual assault. Many teenagers and young adults are unaware of the definition of rape. What does it mean to rape someone? For some, as long as there is no penetration of the sexual organs (intercourse), then it's not considered rape. Even worse, is when there are witnesses during the act who keep mute or don't even try to stop the situation. Which goes back to my earlier argument that many youngsters don't know what fully constitutes rape. This is not the first time, and sadly, it won't be the last time that something like this is happening. Yet, I feel not much is being done to educate the public, especially youngsters, about rape and sexual assault. Consent has a huge role to play in whether an act is considered rape or not. With many youngsters experimenting with alcohol and drugs, this has made it even more complicated.

I am very sorry for the victim and the perpetrators. I feel they are not the only ones at fault in this case. I feel the society as a whole is to blame. Their parents are probably blaming themselves right now. For the most part, many youngsters receive no form of sex education in middle school or even high school. Many parents feel uncomfortable bringing up the issue of sex with their children, and so they never talk to the kids about sex. Of course, that's because some of these parents never received sex ed themselves. If the schools are not teaching comprehensive sex ed, parents at home are not teaching sex ed, then where do these kids learn about sex? From their peers, and the media. You all will agree with me that that's not a good source of learning for most kids, and it's bound to have negative consequences. To learn about talking to your children about sex, see Advocates for Youth website: here and Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States: here. They provide valuable resources on how to get started with the sex talk as a parent. Experts even say to start as early as age 5 and tailor the message based on the child's age. Sex ed is not a task to be left to mothers only, but BOTH parents have to pitch in!

I am in no way blaming the parents in this case, and I hope it doesn't come across as if I am. I believe that both parents have to be involved in the life of their children from the early years, and most especially when they are navigating their teenage years into young adulthood. That said, there are parents that are involved in their child's life, yet they still end up in a bad place. Your son or daughter may be over 6 feet tall and look like an adult, but their brain is still not developed enough to function like that of an adult or take on the responsibility of an adult. You cannot entrust them with adult responsibilities without full supervision. I feel many parents get intimidated by their kids, and this should not be the case. Above all, I believe that parents need divine intervention in raising their children. Simply put, we need God's help in order not to screw up our children. You can do everything right, yet along the way something goes awfully wrong. I can go on and on about this topic, because it is something I am passionate about, but I will stop here.

Given the place where I am right now in trying to make a decision that's best for my family, it has caused me to re-examine my values. For me, success is when you can strike that balance between your God, your family, and your career. Sure enough, the decisions we make about our careers (while taking our family into consideration) may not make sense to others around us, but as long as it makes sense to us and we are satisfied, that's all that matters. With that said, I have decided to let the career opportunities I pursue/ accept be determined by my values & my definition of what success means to me.

Introducing Dr. XXX

I am pleased to announce that I successfully defended my dissertation in February with just one very minor correction, and I am scheduled to graduate officially in May! So here's to the soon-to-be PhD in town! All I can say is, "Thank you Jesus!" It is only by God's grace I was able to go through this 5-year journey successfully. Of course, there were rough times when I felt I could not go on. There were times when I had no clue what I was doing, but thanks to God for bringing some wonderful people into my life that helped me through this journey. I am hoping & praying that I am strong enough to attend my graduation ceremony in May. Baby boo will be here by God's grace so we'll see. My biggest gift, and I say this with all seriousness, is having a healthy baby and being healthy myself. Still keeping my fingers crossed on attending grad in May. If I can't attend that one, I'll attend the summer grad. The only downside is my parents will not be around for that one.

Pregnancy wise, we are 30+ weeks now. Everything is fine with baby boo and I. Thank God for that. I am feeling him move around a whole lot. Not just kicks and jabs, but actual movement. This excites me to no end. I have been having some back pain, and my calves hurt. Trying to get up or roll over in bed is now becoming a challenge. I can only eat a little at a time. If I try to force myself, I get very, very uncomfortable. Time is really moving fast, and I cannot wait to hold our son in my arms. This month, I am going for my hospital tour, and the pediatric conference where I get to talk to (interview) pediatricians & hopefully choose one. That's exciting!

Job wise, I have decided that I am not taking any jobs outside the DMV area (even though I interviewed for one in NY). The main reason is because I am tired of being in a long distance relationship (LDR), especially with baby boo on the way. I want senior boo to be involved in the day-to-day life of this child, and I want us to raise our child together. Another reason is that most of our family live in the area.  Ever since we got married in 2010, we have lived apart. The only time we lived together was when he was at my place for his 2-month rotation. In fact, since I started grad school in 2008 we have been in a LDR. Since senior boo got his fantastic job offer in the MD/ DC metro area, I have examined all my options. I have prayed, and I am still praying for direction and God to order my steps. As a matter of fact, I have even played with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for a couple of months to a year! I never thought I would even consider that as an option, but things do change. No offense to the SAHM out there, because I am sure it is a very demanding job. Senior boo is against me going the SAHM route, and frankly speaking I think I may get bored quickly. Maybe I can be a SAHM and work part-time as an adjunct faculty at one of the universities in the area. I am taking it one day at a time, and looking forward to this new chapter of my life that's about to begin.

Taking a break till end of February

Happy new year! I know I am about 9 days late. Better late than never. Today we are 22.5 weeks. We found out in December that we're having a BOY!!! I am so excited and cannot wait till May for my little man to get here. I am rocking a baby bump now, and I look obviously pregnant. In other news, I will be taking a break from blogging until after my dissertation defense. I should be back on the blog, God willing, by the end of February. I have so much to do before my defense, and blogging has to be relegated to the back burner for now.

Today, I am thankful to God for life, health and his many blessings in my life. If I were to count all the Lord's blessings in my life, it would take me the entire day, and I am not kidding about that! When I come back at the end of February, I hope to share some good news. Till then, enjoy your 2013.

It is official!!!

I officially scheduled a date for my doctoral defense, the last week in February. It feels so real now, and it's exciting that this journey is coming to an end. Since I am a night owl, I have been spending some really late nights/ early mornings holed up in my office on campus writing. I tend to get a lot more done at night. With my writing buddy and Christmas music playing in the background, my creative juices just keep flowing. God willing, by the end of February there will be a newly minted PhD in the house- Amen.

I am still applying for jobs since all the deadlines are this December or January. Hopefully, in the Spring semester I'll get interviews and job offers. I just found out that my alma mater is hiring for a tenure track faculty position, which I plan to apply for. It would be funny working as a professor in the school I attended as a clueless undergrad. On this job issue, there's something I was thinking about the other day. One of the postdoctoral fellowships I am applying for that seems like a perfect fit for me, wants to fill their position no later than June. If I am accepted, I don't want to begin work till July/ August 'cos of the baby and stuff. I was wondering whether or not to mention about my pregnancy during the interview (it's a skype interview). Another part of me thinks I should just keep it to myself until I am offered a position, and then we can negotiate on the start date. Would it be dishonest not to mention being pregnant during the interview? Would that reduce my chances of being considered for the position? Anyway, those are some of the thoughts going on in my head. I'll just wait and see how it all plays out. If you've been in a situation like this before, I would love to hear your thoughts on how you handled it. Oh, the joys of trying to balance career and a family, as a woman!

I cannot wait till Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year.