6 weeks!!!

This is how i look at 6 weeks and 3 days. I had my 1st ever ultrasound on Friday at 5 weeks and 6 days. Everything is fine. Thank God. It felt so real when i saw the little heart flickering on the screen. I am just grateful to God for everything. If it had not been for the Lord who was on my side...

I have been spotting for almost 2 weeks now, mostly brown stuff. The Dr said he is not worried about that because everything looks fine- my blood work, ultrasound and that it is mostly the old blood just coming out. The ultrasound technician said my uterus is a bit bigger than the average size uterus. She wasn't surprised after she read my records and saw that i had a good number of fibroids taken out in May. She said she saw a little fibroid during the scan and she said it was far away from where the baby is located. That was the only downer for me, but given how far i have come i am still thankful to God for everything. I know God is in control since i have committed everything before him.

Symptoms: 

1. I feel extremely TIRED all the time. Even after getting a full night's rest, within an hour to two i feel sleepy again and don't feel like doing anything. I take a nap, and force myself to get work done afterwards.

2. I can smell EVERYTHING. My sense of smell has become extremely sensitive to even the slightest smell. I have felt nauseous at some point these past 3 days, but i have not vomitted. That's good. I hope it stays that way.

As far as symptoms, that's it for now.

We finally told our parents last week and they were so excited. We are waiting until after the 1st trimester to tell our siblings and friends.

Dissertation update:
I finished transcribing all my interviews from my work in Nigeria this past summer and i already started on my data analysis (coding my transcripts). Hopefully, i can get done with that before the end of this month so that i can start writing my 2nd paper. I am not sure if i mentioned this, but 2 of my papers finally got published, after all the ups and downs. Thank God. I am waiting on a 3rd paper under review and i pray for favor with that.

Job update:
I applied to some jobs, spoke to potential mentors and sent my CV out for potential postdoctoral fellowship opportunities. Let's see how that goes. I am praying for favor and God's will.

Whatever the circumstance, there's still hope

The title of this post is my testimony. One word that describes how i feel today is GRATEFUL!!! After taking 2 pregnancy tests on Sunday and Wednesday, I am pregnant. I was told to try to conceive 3 months after my abdominal myomectomy in May. Just our first month of trying and this is what we get:

2 double lines. I am immensely grateful to God almighty. So my encouragement to you is that whatever you are going through, just play your role and know that there is hope. My husband and I are beyond excited and we are just grateful to God for this wonderful gift he has blessed us with. Words are not enough to express the extent of our gratitude. I am awed by God's mercy and faithfulness to us.

Surgery update

I haven't been on this blog in a very long time. A lot has happened since the last time i was here. So i ended up having the surgery. I was referred to Dr. B at this OBGYN practice in town. I had been seeing him for about 2 years from 2010- 2012 since these fibroid aliens were discovered. I decided at the last minute not to have him perform the surgery. After seeing him for 2 years, I did not feel comfortable with him, neither did i feel like he knew what he was going to do. In addition, i did not like his communication skills or his approach. He's so much of a matter-of-fact guy with no compassion. My last appointment with him was in March and he put so much pressure on me to have those aliens removed that i was literally forced to schedule a date for surgery. My spirit was troubled with this decision and I knew deep inside me that he definitely was not the right guy for the job. All along from the very first day the aliens were discovered my prayer to God was that he should order my steps and teach me what to do.

Immediately, I got home that day i started my research on doctors specializing in fibroids. I searched deep and wide and read everything there was on fibroids. I took it like a school assignment and read medical journal articles, books, blogs and everything i could lay my hands on. Eventually i found this wonderful Dr. Gerald Harkins at Milton Hershey Medical center. In just a few words, he is simply the best, hands down. From his gentle smile that keeps you at ease to how he speaks softly and confidently, I was sold. I read up all i could on him (even the medical schools he attended and when he graduated) prior to getting in touch with him and I was satisfied. He related with me like an individual, and not just as a fibroid patient. He seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, as an individual.

The first time i contacted him via email, he personally called me to ask some questions. I was stunned!!! How many doctors do that? Anyway, when i met him, i was convinced that he was the one that would perform the surgery. I felt this peace in my spirit and I knew that was God at work. In a matter of 2 weeks, God had directed me to the right surgeon that would perform the job, something i had been hesitant on for 2 years. I truly know without a shadow of doubt that God ordained everything that happened, right down to the timing!

I scheduled my surgery on May 31st and it lasted for about 3 hours, which was longer than expected. I was in the hospital for 2 nights. After the anesthesia wore off the 1st night, the pain was hell. I was on Toradol given through IV. That was my life saver that night. I could barely eat. Even finding the right position to sleep was a problem. My parents and husband were there with me at the hospital. By the 2nd day, the pain was bearable and i was given oxycodone orally. I was also forced to get out of bed to walk for blood circulation. That was hard. I had to struggle to take baby steps and with the support of my darling husband i was able to walk the hallway of the hospital. My catheter was removed the following day. I did not pass gas for a day or so, and i was told that contributed to the pain i was experiencing. I no longer take passing gas for granted. Gas pain is serious business. The fatigue for the 1st two weeks was something else. I found myself napping all the time.

I was discharged after the 2nd day with strict instructions not to lift anything heavy for about 6 weeks and not do anything strenuous. I strictly obeyed because i was not ready for any mishap. I was glad that i took out those aliens 'cos within 4 weeks i could see my belly shrinking. The recovery was so smooth and every prayer i offered was answered. All in all, i think that was one of the best decisions i ever made with God's help.

Thank you, Jesus!!!

I had an abdominal myomectomy 1 week ago to remove about 12-15 uterine fibroids (i had no idea they were that many) and all i can say is thank you Jesus. I could see the hand of God at work every step of the way- from choosing doctors, to planning the hospital, down to even the appointments. The pain has reduced drastically, just that i still feel pain if i sneeze or cough, and move around too much. I guess that's to be expected. Overall, God has answered every prayer I offered on this surgery and for that i am so thankful. On another day when I get better, I will write about how God ordered my steps to finding this surgeon (one of the best in the field) that ended up performing the surgery, and everything.

I got word that a paper I submitted for an oral presentation was selected at our national conference. Just waiting to hear back from 2 other conferences. My other paper has also been accepted for publication. EXCITED! THANK GOD!!

My sister's wedding was a huge success and I had a wonderful time with family and friends I have not seen in a long time.

Overall, I am in a happy place in my life and i thank God for it.

On a sad note, my heart goes out to all those that passed away in the Dana airlines crash in Nigeria. I pray that God comforts the family left behind. God cares, God knows, God understands.

A lot on my mind

I have a lot of things on my mind. This is a long post...

Sometime in 2010 during my annual exam, my gyne discovered I had uterine fibroids. However, since i had no unusual symptoms, besides the big belly, he suggested watchful waiting and then referred me to another gyne for a 2nd opinion. I was freaking out because the 1st thought that came to my mind was, "Will i be able to get pregnant & have my own children?" Every 6 months, i would go to the gyne for check up and they would tell me it is getting a little bigger. As at 2010 it was 14weeks in size, in 2011 about 20weeks in size. My gyne was very surprised that i was not experiencing any unusual symptoms. I did an ultrasound (US) once towards the end of 2010 and that was when my gyne estimated the size. Since then i have had no other US.

Fast forward to 2011, i went to the same 2 gyne, my main gyne (Dr. A) & the one i was referred to (Dr. B) that examined me in 2010. Dr. A suggested watchful waiting every 6 months & Dr. B suggested surgery. My experience with Dr. B the 1st time i met him was not the best. He was a matter of fact kind of Dr. I know with the research on fibroids, there are no specifics & just a lot of generalities. I left that meeting feeling sad & unsettled. His consultation with me was confusing at best, and useless at worst! I felt he was talking from both sides of his mouth. I felt my co-pay of $75 was just as good as wasted money. Long story short, i didn't gain anything from meeting with him. Dr. B has never ordered for me to have an US so he has an idea of the size & location of the fibroids we are talking about. He is going by the 2010 US Dr. A sent to him and the pelvic exam he does. He said due to the size of the fibroid, there may be difficulty getting pregnant, miscarriages, or a very difficult pregnancy. Only after the fibroids are removed can he tell: 1) what the chances of getting pregnant could be 2) Cesearean section for all future pregnancies.

Meanwhile, I met with one of my "big sisters" where i live who also has/ had fibroids. She had a myomectomy, but she is advising against it. She said that should be the very last option. She suggested exploring other behavioral options like changing one's diet and using supplements. Basically going the holistic health route, since most of these hormonal conditions can be regulated through diet & stuff. I met up with the holistic health specialist & she suggested that she would give me supplements (in the United States, none of these are FDA approved) and a change in diet, and that should regulate my hormones & halt the growth of fibroids. Of course she could not tell me with certainty that it would work, because she does not know! My big sister that uses her services swears that it works. Health insurance does not cover holistic health services, so it would all have to come out of my pocket & it is not cheap!

I had another appointment with Dr. B today. He did the regular pelvic exam and he basically said the same thing he has been saying for over a year. Suggestions: 1) Myomectomy 2) Laparoscopic surgery (he was willing to refer me to an expert, but he doubted that it would be beneficial given the size). I have read deep and wide on fibroids, from empirical research studies to blogs. There are no certain answers. No cure. Fibroids can grow back after surgery. I read recent articles linking hair relaxers to fibroids, but the studies show a correlation, not a causal effect.

If i go the surgery route then i want to have it done before the end of this year. I live alone, so i have to figure out who will stay with me for about 1 month before i am back on my feet. It would be hubby's last year in school so he cannot move here. In addition, it will be my last year in my doctoral program & i will be writing my dissertation and applying for jobs/ interviewing. All of these are factors I have to consider.

It is very interesting that my dissertation research somehow relates to what I am going through now. At the time i chose my topic, I never knew that I would be able to relate to my research in this way, but now I really know how it feels to be in my research participants' shoes & feel what they feel.

However, I do know that God is in control of everything. He will make everything work out for my good. Drs do not know it all, they can only make their best guess. God is the one that has the final say concerning all situations. My hope & trust is in God and i hold on to his promises for my life. I know that I will testify to the goodness of the Lord concerning this. I know that God will use this situation to bring glory to his name. If you can relate to this in anyway, I would love to read your comments.

Putting pen to paper

Hello blogdarls, I just got back from a meeting with one of the professors (SL) on my committee and I feel lost! I wanted to meet up with her early since she is one of the methodologists on my committee to begin my data analysis. Let's just say, I came out of that meeting feeling like I still have a long way to go and I have to get back to the drawing board. Let me give you guys a full picture. I chose to write a 3-paper dissertation rather than the traditional dissertation, because it will give me the opportunity to have 3 more published papers. Also, I decided to collect my data in Nigeria on people living with HIV/AIDS (PLHWA) (yes, indeed! That's story for another day). I have so far come up with Papers 1 & 2, and I have no clue, as of now, what paper 3 will be. SL is a very brilliant lady and some of the things she brought up today are definitely things that are useful and i need to work on. So basically, I have to think through the 2 papers and come up with an outline. I feel very lost, but i know that i can do it. I just need to spend some more time immersed in my data.

In other news, I am going to Nigeria in July for a 4 week data collection/ follow up. I have so many things I want to pour out on here, but I do not have the time right now to type it all out. I'll list them out because I feel it may be useful for another person. I am in a situation right now where my advisor (BB) wants me to do a follow up data collection, but 3 other people on my committee don't think it is necessary. Since BB is the chair of said committee, he holds the final say. Deep down within me I am 95% sure that I will not be getting any new information from my sample. I think the PLHWA i interviewed have already said it all. In addition, some of the PLHWA I have started contacting via phone for a follow up interview are denying ever meeting me or knowing who I am (Big shock??? NO!) Of course, i am not surprised because HIV is still a stigmatized disease in Nigeria, and in many other countries. Another thing i would like to blog about someday is having a senior, tenured professor versus a young, untenured professor as an advisor (the pros & cons of each one). I happen to fall in the former category.

By the way this blog is also to keep me accountable. Before i come back to blog again, I need to work on:

1) Outlines for 2 papers

2) Finish coding the last 10 transcripts

3) Run my stats

I meet up with my 2nd methodologist on Thursday, so we shall see what happens.

Till then, remain blessed.

Baby fever!!!

I have been having serious baby fever. I guess it must be because 7 of my friends recently had babies within the last 2 months. As a matter of fact, I really don't know what to attribute it to. It has always been my intention that DH and I will start trying to conceive in our last year of school, which is not until July of this year. However, I am at a point right now where I have totally succumbed to God's will. When it happens, it happens. I am/ will not actively do anything to prevent having a baby (contraception). 

Some of my concerns with getting pregnant now are:

1. I live alone and I would not want to go through being pregnant by myself.

2. I am a graduate student on a stipend, while DH has student loans (Need I say more)

3. I don't know how being pregnant and writing a dissertation will work out

4. I don't want it to interfere with my plans- writing diss, defending diss, looking for a job

These are really not major concerns. I know of women in my program that got pregnant or are currently pregnant, but they all had their husbands with them. Rather than worry, I have chosen to pray that at God's appointed time, everything should work out fine. Please share your stories with me if you got pregnant while going through graduate school.