Choices you make today could determine your future

I have been closely following the Steubenville rape trial case (If you are not familiar with the case, see it here and here) for three reasons: 1) This is a topic I am passionate about in terms of my line of research; 2) My alma mater is the #1 or #2 party school in the US (with a serious alcohol/ drinking problem) and there was a huge sex scandal that rocked the university; and 3) I have taught a course on health & human sexuality (over the course of my 5 years in the PhD program), and almost every year I am shocked by some of the comments I hear or read (when papers are submitted) about rape & sexual assault. Some of these youngsters have no idea that what they just described in their papers or in an off-hand comment could actually be considered rape and/or sexual assault. Many teenagers and young adults are unaware of the definition of rape. What does it mean to rape someone? For some, as long as there is no penetration of the sexual organs (intercourse), then it's not considered rape. Even worse, is when there are witnesses during the act who keep mute or don't even try to stop the situation. Which goes back to my earlier argument that many youngsters don't know what fully constitutes rape. This is not the first time, and sadly, it won't be the last time that something like this is happening. Yet, I feel not much is being done to educate the public, especially youngsters, about rape and sexual assault. Consent has a huge role to play in whether an act is considered rape or not. With many youngsters experimenting with alcohol and drugs, this has made it even more complicated.

I am very sorry for the victim and the perpetrators. I feel they are not the only ones at fault in this case. I feel the society as a whole is to blame. Their parents are probably blaming themselves right now. For the most part, many youngsters receive no form of sex education in middle school or even high school. Many parents feel uncomfortable bringing up the issue of sex with their children, and so they never talk to the kids about sex. Of course, that's because some of these parents never received sex ed themselves. If the schools are not teaching comprehensive sex ed, parents at home are not teaching sex ed, then where do these kids learn about sex? From their peers, and the media. You all will agree with me that that's not a good source of learning for most kids, and it's bound to have negative consequences. To learn about talking to your children about sex, see Advocates for Youth website: here and Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States: here. They provide valuable resources on how to get started with the sex talk as a parent. Experts even say to start as early as age 5 and tailor the message based on the child's age. Sex ed is not a task to be left to mothers only, but BOTH parents have to pitch in!

I am in no way blaming the parents in this case, and I hope it doesn't come across as if I am. I believe that both parents have to be involved in the life of their children from the early years, and most especially when they are navigating their teenage years into young adulthood. That said, there are parents that are involved in their child's life, yet they still end up in a bad place. Your son or daughter may be over 6 feet tall and look like an adult, but their brain is still not developed enough to function like that of an adult or take on the responsibility of an adult. You cannot entrust them with adult responsibilities without full supervision. I feel many parents get intimidated by their kids, and this should not be the case. Above all, I believe that parents need divine intervention in raising their children. Simply put, we need God's help in order not to screw up our children. You can do everything right, yet along the way something goes awfully wrong. I can go on and on about this topic, because it is something I am passionate about, but I will stop here.

Given the place where I am right now in trying to make a decision that's best for my family, it has caused me to re-examine my values. For me, success is when you can strike that balance between your God, your family, and your career. Sure enough, the decisions we make about our careers (while taking our family into consideration) may not make sense to others around us, but as long as it makes sense to us and we are satisfied, that's all that matters. With that said, I have decided to let the career opportunities I pursue/ accept be determined by my values & my definition of what success means to me.

Introducing Dr. XXX

I am pleased to announce that I successfully defended my dissertation in February with just one very minor correction, and I am scheduled to graduate officially in May! So here's to the soon-to-be PhD in town! All I can say is, "Thank you Jesus!" It is only by God's grace I was able to go through this 5-year journey successfully. Of course, there were rough times when I felt I could not go on. There were times when I had no clue what I was doing, but thanks to God for bringing some wonderful people into my life that helped me through this journey. I am hoping & praying that I am strong enough to attend my graduation ceremony in May. Baby boo will be here by God's grace so we'll see. My biggest gift, and I say this with all seriousness, is having a healthy baby and being healthy myself. Still keeping my fingers crossed on attending grad in May. If I can't attend that one, I'll attend the summer grad. The only downside is my parents will not be around for that one.

Pregnancy wise, we are 30+ weeks now. Everything is fine with baby boo and I. Thank God for that. I am feeling him move around a whole lot. Not just kicks and jabs, but actual movement. This excites me to no end. I have been having some back pain, and my calves hurt. Trying to get up or roll over in bed is now becoming a challenge. I can only eat a little at a time. If I try to force myself, I get very, very uncomfortable. Time is really moving fast, and I cannot wait to hold our son in my arms. This month, I am going for my hospital tour, and the pediatric conference where I get to talk to (interview) pediatricians & hopefully choose one. That's exciting!

Job wise, I have decided that I am not taking any jobs outside the DMV area (even though I interviewed for one in NY). The main reason is because I am tired of being in a long distance relationship (LDR), especially with baby boo on the way. I want senior boo to be involved in the day-to-day life of this child, and I want us to raise our child together. Another reason is that most of our family live in the area.  Ever since we got married in 2010, we have lived apart. The only time we lived together was when he was at my place for his 2-month rotation. In fact, since I started grad school in 2008 we have been in a LDR. Since senior boo got his fantastic job offer in the MD/ DC metro area, I have examined all my options. I have prayed, and I am still praying for direction and God to order my steps. As a matter of fact, I have even played with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for a couple of months to a year! I never thought I would even consider that as an option, but things do change. No offense to the SAHM out there, because I am sure it is a very demanding job. Senior boo is against me going the SAHM route, and frankly speaking I think I may get bored quickly. Maybe I can be a SAHM and work part-time as an adjunct faculty at one of the universities in the area. I am taking it one day at a time, and looking forward to this new chapter of my life that's about to begin.

Taking a break till end of February

Happy new year! I know I am about 9 days late. Better late than never. Today we are 22.5 weeks. We found out in December that we're having a BOY!!! I am so excited and cannot wait till May for my little man to get here. I am rocking a baby bump now, and I look obviously pregnant. In other news, I will be taking a break from blogging until after my dissertation defense. I should be back on the blog, God willing, by the end of February. I have so much to do before my defense, and blogging has to be relegated to the back burner for now.

Today, I am thankful to God for life, health and his many blessings in my life. If I were to count all the Lord's blessings in my life, it would take me the entire day, and I am not kidding about that! When I come back at the end of February, I hope to share some good news. Till then, enjoy your 2013.

It is official!!!

I officially scheduled a date for my doctoral defense, the last week in February. It feels so real now, and it's exciting that this journey is coming to an end. Since I am a night owl, I have been spending some really late nights/ early mornings holed up in my office on campus writing. I tend to get a lot more done at night. With my writing buddy and Christmas music playing in the background, my creative juices just keep flowing. God willing, by the end of February there will be a newly minted PhD in the house- Amen.

I am still applying for jobs since all the deadlines are this December or January. Hopefully, in the Spring semester I'll get interviews and job offers. I just found out that my alma mater is hiring for a tenure track faculty position, which I plan to apply for. It would be funny working as a professor in the school I attended as a clueless undergrad. On this job issue, there's something I was thinking about the other day. One of the postdoctoral fellowships I am applying for that seems like a perfect fit for me, wants to fill their position no later than June. If I am accepted, I don't want to begin work till July/ August 'cos of the baby and stuff. I was wondering whether or not to mention about my pregnancy during the interview (it's a skype interview). Another part of me thinks I should just keep it to myself until I am offered a position, and then we can negotiate on the start date. Would it be dishonest not to mention being pregnant during the interview? Would that reduce my chances of being considered for the position? Anyway, those are some of the thoughts going on in my head. I'll just wait and see how it all plays out. If you've been in a situation like this before, I would love to hear your thoughts on how you handled it. Oh, the joys of trying to balance career and a family, as a woman!

I cannot wait till Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year.

World AIDS day

My passion is HIV research and I have been studying the sociocultural impact of HIV (such as stigma) for about 5 years now. December 1 is World AIDS day- Do you know your HIV status? If you don't, I encourage you to get tested. It is a simple test. I pray that in my lifetime, there will be a cure for this disease. There have been many scientific breakthroughs such as the antiretroviral drugs for treatment, prevention of mother to child transmission and many others. However, it is still sad that HIV is still being transmitted to newborns and sometimes by people who are not even aware of their status.

This is coming late, since thanksgiving was in November. I believe everyday should be a day to give thanks. Therefore, I am thankful for the following:

1. Life- Being alive and well

2. Love- For my selfless husband and the love he constantly showers me with. 

3. Family- I love my family and the close bond we all share.

4. Baby- I am thankful to God for this incredible gift he has given us. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for this wonderful child growing inside me.

5. My health

6. Education- I am thankful for my program of study and how God planned it in such a way that I am located tin this town. This is for another write up. Just the fact that I am in this town and studying what I am studying has opened my eyes to so many things that have had a positive impact on my life.

On another note, I failed my 1 hour glucose test that I did last week by a couple of points. That means I have to go for the 2 hour test. I pray that I pass that one. Otherwise, nothing new has been happening here. Still applying for jobs. One of my dissertation papers got accepted for publication and that's exciting news. I am looking to schedule my dissertation defense for sometime in February, which means I will be working like crazy all of December and January to put together my entire dissertation.

Pregnancy wise, we are 17 weeks today. My symptoms have greatly reduced, although I still take my afternoon naps. Hopefully if baby cooperates we should know the sex before Christmas. I hope to be able to put in one more blog post before the end of the year, so we'll see about that.

San Francisco & Week 13 updates

Week 13

Hello, I hope you were not affected by hurricane Sandy. We are now at 13 weeks and some days. My symptoms have greatly reduced and I am happy about that. I am not sure if people can tell that I am pregnant, I only had one person hinting at it when I went out of town last week. Maybe the others were just not sure & were being polite by not asking. I attended the American Public Health Association meeting last week in San Francisco where I had the opportunity of presenting my research. It was a nice experience and SF is a very beautiful city. Unfortunately, I didn't get to go sight seeing or anything of that sort, because I was always so tired after the long days. I have to make another trip at a later time, so hopefully I get to see the sights of SF. One thing I do appreciate is that the city is good for walking. I was there for a week and I walked everywhere I needed to go- from my hotel to the convention center to UCSF to the restaurants, I mean everywhere. I actually enjoyed walking around the city. I also got to see and hear Angela Davis speak. She is one very powerful speaker and I enjoyed every moment of her speech.

I have attended this conference for 5 years, but this time around it was an opportunity to network with other researchers in my area of research whose work I have read or used, go to hear their presentations and meet with potential mentors for a postdoctoral fellowship position. I also had the opportunity of talking to department chairs on openings in their department for an assistant professor position. Now that I am back, it is time to start applying for these positions.

I heard back from the journal I submitted one of my papers to for publication, and they want the paper revised. I have been working on that and hopefully it gets accepted for publication without anymore revisions. I have my 2nd doctors appt this week and I hope I get to see bambino. Otherwise, I have been doing very well, hubby is fine and baby is fine too, thank God.

A word of encouragement I want to leave you guys with, based on today's sermon at church. As long as Jesus is with you in the boat, no storm can wreck your boat. That came in handy for me, because I have been a little concerned over where hubby and I will end up with jobs next year. I really want us to live together as a family, because I am tired of a long distance marriage, and also with a baby on the way we need to work it out. So all I can do is trust God to lead us to the right place. With Jesus in our boat, we can sit back and relax knowing he will calm every storm & take us to the place that's right for us.

Hello October & 8 weeks

I cannot believe we're in October already. When did the months fly by so fast??? I get to do a lot of traveling this month all for different conferences. We are at 8 weeks and some days now. I am still having the same symptoms- nausea (but no vomiting), tiredness and heartburn. Other than that, all is well.

Regarding my dissertation, I am done with my data analysis and reading through my transcripts. The next stage is the writing part. Hopefully, i am able to finish writing my 2nd paper by the end of this month. My advisor has been giving me more stuff to do lately- like more literature reviews for this  paper we are both working on. I am yet to tell him that i am preggers. I am waiting till i hit my 2nd trimester before i tell him. As far as the job market is concerned, it is in God's hand. I get so frustrated looking sometimes, but i just have to keep looking. There are things out there in my field and i have seen loads, but the problem is location. At this point, i have decided that i'll apply for everything- postdoctoral fellowships, faculty positions and non-academic jobs. God will have the final say on this one, I am relying on his promise in Jer. 29:11. One lesson i have learned is to trust God more because he knows what is best for us. The places where I see potential job opportunities are in California and NY, but hubby is so against those 2 places. He can do NJ, but not NY. Ideally, we both want to move back to Maryland when we are done with school, but that may not be happening, so we are keeping our options open. One thing I do know is that I am done with a long distance marriage and I would like for us both to be in the same location and living under the same roof, especially with a child on the way.

There was something God-mazing-fantastic that happened to me last week. I received an email from this listserve i am subscribed to. On this particular day, i decided to take my time to read the entire bulletin. Most times, i just leave it to come back to read later. Anyway, while reading i saw a news article about this professor in one of the schools in NY that i am looking to do a postdoc that just received more than a $2 million grant to study something similar to my dissertation topic. I was so excited and i thought what are the odds??? So i immediately sent him an email, and i am patiently waiting to apply. Could this be a sign??? We'll see.

I have my first doctor's appointment next week at 9 weeks, and i am looking forward to that.