Choices you make today could determine your future

I have been closely following the Steubenville rape trial case (If you are not familiar with the case, see it here and here) for three reasons: 1) This is a topic I am passionate about in terms of my line of research; 2) My alma mater is the #1 or #2 party school in the US (with a serious alcohol/ drinking problem) and there was a huge sex scandal that rocked the university; and 3) I have taught a course on health & human sexuality (over the course of my 5 years in the PhD program), and almost every year I am shocked by some of the comments I hear or read (when papers are submitted) about rape & sexual assault. Some of these youngsters have no idea that what they just described in their papers or in an off-hand comment could actually be considered rape and/or sexual assault. Many teenagers and young adults are unaware of the definition of rape. What does it mean to rape someone? For some, as long as there is no penetration of the sexual organs (intercourse), then it's not considered rape. Even worse, is when there are witnesses during the act who keep mute or don't even try to stop the situation. Which goes back to my earlier argument that many youngsters don't know what fully constitutes rape. This is not the first time, and sadly, it won't be the last time that something like this is happening. Yet, I feel not much is being done to educate the public, especially youngsters, about rape and sexual assault. Consent has a huge role to play in whether an act is considered rape or not. With many youngsters experimenting with alcohol and drugs, this has made it even more complicated.

I am very sorry for the victim and the perpetrators. I feel they are not the only ones at fault in this case. I feel the society as a whole is to blame. Their parents are probably blaming themselves right now. For the most part, many youngsters receive no form of sex education in middle school or even high school. Many parents feel uncomfortable bringing up the issue of sex with their children, and so they never talk to the kids about sex. Of course, that's because some of these parents never received sex ed themselves. If the schools are not teaching comprehensive sex ed, parents at home are not teaching sex ed, then where do these kids learn about sex? From their peers, and the media. You all will agree with me that that's not a good source of learning for most kids, and it's bound to have negative consequences. To learn about talking to your children about sex, see Advocates for Youth website: here and Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States: here. They provide valuable resources on how to get started with the sex talk as a parent. Experts even say to start as early as age 5 and tailor the message based on the child's age. Sex ed is not a task to be left to mothers only, but BOTH parents have to pitch in!

I am in no way blaming the parents in this case, and I hope it doesn't come across as if I am. I believe that both parents have to be involved in the life of their children from the early years, and most especially when they are navigating their teenage years into young adulthood. That said, there are parents that are involved in their child's life, yet they still end up in a bad place. Your son or daughter may be over 6 feet tall and look like an adult, but their brain is still not developed enough to function like that of an adult or take on the responsibility of an adult. You cannot entrust them with adult responsibilities without full supervision. I feel many parents get intimidated by their kids, and this should not be the case. Above all, I believe that parents need divine intervention in raising their children. Simply put, we need God's help in order not to screw up our children. You can do everything right, yet along the way something goes awfully wrong. I can go on and on about this topic, because it is something I am passionate about, but I will stop here.

Given the place where I am right now in trying to make a decision that's best for my family, it has caused me to re-examine my values. For me, success is when you can strike that balance between your God, your family, and your career. Sure enough, the decisions we make about our careers (while taking our family into consideration) may not make sense to others around us, but as long as it makes sense to us and we are satisfied, that's all that matters. With that said, I have decided to let the career opportunities I pursue/ accept be determined by my values & my definition of what success means to me.

Introducing Dr. XXX

I am pleased to announce that I successfully defended my dissertation in February with just one very minor correction, and I am scheduled to graduate officially in May! So here's to the soon-to-be PhD in town! All I can say is, "Thank you Jesus!" It is only by God's grace I was able to go through this 5-year journey successfully. Of course, there were rough times when I felt I could not go on. There were times when I had no clue what I was doing, but thanks to God for bringing some wonderful people into my life that helped me through this journey. I am hoping & praying that I am strong enough to attend my graduation ceremony in May. Baby boo will be here by God's grace so we'll see. My biggest gift, and I say this with all seriousness, is having a healthy baby and being healthy myself. Still keeping my fingers crossed on attending grad in May. If I can't attend that one, I'll attend the summer grad. The only downside is my parents will not be around for that one.

Pregnancy wise, we are 30+ weeks now. Everything is fine with baby boo and I. Thank God for that. I am feeling him move around a whole lot. Not just kicks and jabs, but actual movement. This excites me to no end. I have been having some back pain, and my calves hurt. Trying to get up or roll over in bed is now becoming a challenge. I can only eat a little at a time. If I try to force myself, I get very, very uncomfortable. Time is really moving fast, and I cannot wait to hold our son in my arms. This month, I am going for my hospital tour, and the pediatric conference where I get to talk to (interview) pediatricians & hopefully choose one. That's exciting!

Job wise, I have decided that I am not taking any jobs outside the DMV area (even though I interviewed for one in NY). The main reason is because I am tired of being in a long distance relationship (LDR), especially with baby boo on the way. I want senior boo to be involved in the day-to-day life of this child, and I want us to raise our child together. Another reason is that most of our family live in the area.  Ever since we got married in 2010, we have lived apart. The only time we lived together was when he was at my place for his 2-month rotation. In fact, since I started grad school in 2008 we have been in a LDR. Since senior boo got his fantastic job offer in the MD/ DC metro area, I have examined all my options. I have prayed, and I am still praying for direction and God to order my steps. As a matter of fact, I have even played with the idea of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for a couple of months to a year! I never thought I would even consider that as an option, but things do change. No offense to the SAHM out there, because I am sure it is a very demanding job. Senior boo is against me going the SAHM route, and frankly speaking I think I may get bored quickly. Maybe I can be a SAHM and work part-time as an adjunct faculty at one of the universities in the area. I am taking it one day at a time, and looking forward to this new chapter of my life that's about to begin.