Choices you make today could determine your future

I have been closely following the Steubenville rape trial case (If you are not familiar with the case, see it here and here) for three reasons: 1) This is a topic I am passionate about in terms of my line of research; 2) My alma mater is the #1 or #2 party school in the US (with a serious alcohol/ drinking problem) and there was a huge sex scandal that rocked the university; and 3) I have taught a course on health & human sexuality (over the course of my 5 years in the PhD program), and almost every year I am shocked by some of the comments I hear or read (when papers are submitted) about rape & sexual assault. Some of these youngsters have no idea that what they just described in their papers or in an off-hand comment could actually be considered rape and/or sexual assault. Many teenagers and young adults are unaware of the definition of rape. What does it mean to rape someone? For some, as long as there is no penetration of the sexual organs (intercourse), then it's not considered rape. Even worse, is when there are witnesses during the act who keep mute or don't even try to stop the situation. Which goes back to my earlier argument that many youngsters don't know what fully constitutes rape. This is not the first time, and sadly, it won't be the last time that something like this is happening. Yet, I feel not much is being done to educate the public, especially youngsters, about rape and sexual assault. Consent has a huge role to play in whether an act is considered rape or not. With many youngsters experimenting with alcohol and drugs, this has made it even more complicated.

I am very sorry for the victim and the perpetrators. I feel they are not the only ones at fault in this case. I feel the society as a whole is to blame. Their parents are probably blaming themselves right now. For the most part, many youngsters receive no form of sex education in middle school or even high school. Many parents feel uncomfortable bringing up the issue of sex with their children, and so they never talk to the kids about sex. Of course, that's because some of these parents never received sex ed themselves. If the schools are not teaching comprehensive sex ed, parents at home are not teaching sex ed, then where do these kids learn about sex? From their peers, and the media. You all will agree with me that that's not a good source of learning for most kids, and it's bound to have negative consequences. To learn about talking to your children about sex, see Advocates for Youth website: here and Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States: here. They provide valuable resources on how to get started with the sex talk as a parent. Experts even say to start as early as age 5 and tailor the message based on the child's age. Sex ed is not a task to be left to mothers only, but BOTH parents have to pitch in!

I am in no way blaming the parents in this case, and I hope it doesn't come across as if I am. I believe that both parents have to be involved in the life of their children from the early years, and most especially when they are navigating their teenage years into young adulthood. That said, there are parents that are involved in their child's life, yet they still end up in a bad place. Your son or daughter may be over 6 feet tall and look like an adult, but their brain is still not developed enough to function like that of an adult or take on the responsibility of an adult. You cannot entrust them with adult responsibilities without full supervision. I feel many parents get intimidated by their kids, and this should not be the case. Above all, I believe that parents need divine intervention in raising their children. Simply put, we need God's help in order not to screw up our children. You can do everything right, yet along the way something goes awfully wrong. I can go on and on about this topic, because it is something I am passionate about, but I will stop here.

Given the place where I am right now in trying to make a decision that's best for my family, it has caused me to re-examine my values. For me, success is when you can strike that balance between your God, your family, and your career. Sure enough, the decisions we make about our careers (while taking our family into consideration) may not make sense to others around us, but as long as it makes sense to us and we are satisfied, that's all that matters. With that said, I have decided to let the career opportunities I pursue/ accept be determined by my values & my definition of what success means to me.