It is official!!!

I officially scheduled a date for my doctoral defense, the last week in February. It feels so real now, and it's exciting that this journey is coming to an end. Since I am a night owl, I have been spending some really late nights/ early mornings holed up in my office on campus writing. I tend to get a lot more done at night. With my writing buddy and Christmas music playing in the background, my creative juices just keep flowing. God willing, by the end of February there will be a newly minted PhD in the house- Amen.

I am still applying for jobs since all the deadlines are this December or January. Hopefully, in the Spring semester I'll get interviews and job offers. I just found out that my alma mater is hiring for a tenure track faculty position, which I plan to apply for. It would be funny working as a professor in the school I attended as a clueless undergrad. On this job issue, there's something I was thinking about the other day. One of the postdoctoral fellowships I am applying for that seems like a perfect fit for me, wants to fill their position no later than June. If I am accepted, I don't want to begin work till July/ August 'cos of the baby and stuff. I was wondering whether or not to mention about my pregnancy during the interview (it's a skype interview). Another part of me thinks I should just keep it to myself until I am offered a position, and then we can negotiate on the start date. Would it be dishonest not to mention being pregnant during the interview? Would that reduce my chances of being considered for the position? Anyway, those are some of the thoughts going on in my head. I'll just wait and see how it all plays out. If you've been in a situation like this before, I would love to hear your thoughts on how you handled it. Oh, the joys of trying to balance career and a family, as a woman!

I cannot wait till Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year.

World AIDS day

My passion is HIV research and I have been studying the sociocultural impact of HIV (such as stigma) for about 5 years now. December 1 is World AIDS day- Do you know your HIV status? If you don't, I encourage you to get tested. It is a simple test. I pray that in my lifetime, there will be a cure for this disease. There have been many scientific breakthroughs such as the antiretroviral drugs for treatment, prevention of mother to child transmission and many others. However, it is still sad that HIV is still being transmitted to newborns and sometimes by people who are not even aware of their status.

This is coming late, since thanksgiving was in November. I believe everyday should be a day to give thanks. Therefore, I am thankful for the following:

1. Life- Being alive and well

2. Love- For my selfless husband and the love he constantly showers me with. 

3. Family- I love my family and the close bond we all share.

4. Baby- I am thankful to God for this incredible gift he has given us. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for this wonderful child growing inside me.

5. My health

6. Education- I am thankful for my program of study and how God planned it in such a way that I am located tin this town. This is for another write up. Just the fact that I am in this town and studying what I am studying has opened my eyes to so many things that have had a positive impact on my life.

On another note, I failed my 1 hour glucose test that I did last week by a couple of points. That means I have to go for the 2 hour test. I pray that I pass that one. Otherwise, nothing new has been happening here. Still applying for jobs. One of my dissertation papers got accepted for publication and that's exciting news. I am looking to schedule my dissertation defense for sometime in February, which means I will be working like crazy all of December and January to put together my entire dissertation.

Pregnancy wise, we are 17 weeks today. My symptoms have greatly reduced, although I still take my afternoon naps. Hopefully if baby cooperates we should know the sex before Christmas. I hope to be able to put in one more blog post before the end of the year, so we'll see about that.

San Francisco & Week 13 updates

Week 13

Hello, I hope you were not affected by hurricane Sandy. We are now at 13 weeks and some days. My symptoms have greatly reduced and I am happy about that. I am not sure if people can tell that I am pregnant, I only had one person hinting at it when I went out of town last week. Maybe the others were just not sure & were being polite by not asking. I attended the American Public Health Association meeting last week in San Francisco where I had the opportunity of presenting my research. It was a nice experience and SF is a very beautiful city. Unfortunately, I didn't get to go sight seeing or anything of that sort, because I was always so tired after the long days. I have to make another trip at a later time, so hopefully I get to see the sights of SF. One thing I do appreciate is that the city is good for walking. I was there for a week and I walked everywhere I needed to go- from my hotel to the convention center to UCSF to the restaurants, I mean everywhere. I actually enjoyed walking around the city. I also got to see and hear Angela Davis speak. She is one very powerful speaker and I enjoyed every moment of her speech.

I have attended this conference for 5 years, but this time around it was an opportunity to network with other researchers in my area of research whose work I have read or used, go to hear their presentations and meet with potential mentors for a postdoctoral fellowship position. I also had the opportunity of talking to department chairs on openings in their department for an assistant professor position. Now that I am back, it is time to start applying for these positions.

I heard back from the journal I submitted one of my papers to for publication, and they want the paper revised. I have been working on that and hopefully it gets accepted for publication without anymore revisions. I have my 2nd doctors appt this week and I hope I get to see bambino. Otherwise, I have been doing very well, hubby is fine and baby is fine too, thank God.

A word of encouragement I want to leave you guys with, based on today's sermon at church. As long as Jesus is with you in the boat, no storm can wreck your boat. That came in handy for me, because I have been a little concerned over where hubby and I will end up with jobs next year. I really want us to live together as a family, because I am tired of a long distance marriage, and also with a baby on the way we need to work it out. So all I can do is trust God to lead us to the right place. With Jesus in our boat, we can sit back and relax knowing he will calm every storm & take us to the place that's right for us.

Hello October & 8 weeks

I cannot believe we're in October already. When did the months fly by so fast??? I get to do a lot of traveling this month all for different conferences. We are at 8 weeks and some days now. I am still having the same symptoms- nausea (but no vomiting), tiredness and heartburn. Other than that, all is well.

Regarding my dissertation, I am done with my data analysis and reading through my transcripts. The next stage is the writing part. Hopefully, i am able to finish writing my 2nd paper by the end of this month. My advisor has been giving me more stuff to do lately- like more literature reviews for this  paper we are both working on. I am yet to tell him that i am preggers. I am waiting till i hit my 2nd trimester before i tell him. As far as the job market is concerned, it is in God's hand. I get so frustrated looking sometimes, but i just have to keep looking. There are things out there in my field and i have seen loads, but the problem is location. At this point, i have decided that i'll apply for everything- postdoctoral fellowships, faculty positions and non-academic jobs. God will have the final say on this one, I am relying on his promise in Jer. 29:11. One lesson i have learned is to trust God more because he knows what is best for us. The places where I see potential job opportunities are in California and NY, but hubby is so against those 2 places. He can do NJ, but not NY. Ideally, we both want to move back to Maryland when we are done with school, but that may not be happening, so we are keeping our options open. One thing I do know is that I am done with a long distance marriage and I would like for us both to be in the same location and living under the same roof, especially with a child on the way.

There was something God-mazing-fantastic that happened to me last week. I received an email from this listserve i am subscribed to. On this particular day, i decided to take my time to read the entire bulletin. Most times, i just leave it to come back to read later. Anyway, while reading i saw a news article about this professor in one of the schools in NY that i am looking to do a postdoc that just received more than a $2 million grant to study something similar to my dissertation topic. I was so excited and i thought what are the odds??? So i immediately sent him an email, and i am patiently waiting to apply. Could this be a sign??? We'll see.

I have my first doctor's appointment next week at 9 weeks, and i am looking forward to that. 

6 weeks!!!

This is how i look at 6 weeks and 3 days. I had my 1st ever ultrasound on Friday at 5 weeks and 6 days. Everything is fine. Thank God. It felt so real when i saw the little heart flickering on the screen. I am just grateful to God for everything. If it had not been for the Lord who was on my side...

I have been spotting for almost 2 weeks now, mostly brown stuff. The Dr said he is not worried about that because everything looks fine- my blood work, ultrasound and that it is mostly the old blood just coming out. The ultrasound technician said my uterus is a bit bigger than the average size uterus. She wasn't surprised after she read my records and saw that i had a good number of fibroids taken out in May. She said she saw a little fibroid during the scan and she said it was far away from where the baby is located. That was the only downer for me, but given how far i have come i am still thankful to God for everything. I know God is in control since i have committed everything before him.

Symptoms: 

1. I feel extremely TIRED all the time. Even after getting a full night's rest, within an hour to two i feel sleepy again and don't feel like doing anything. I take a nap, and force myself to get work done afterwards.

2. I can smell EVERYTHING. My sense of smell has become extremely sensitive to even the slightest smell. I have felt nauseous at some point these past 3 days, but i have not vomitted. That's good. I hope it stays that way.

As far as symptoms, that's it for now.

We finally told our parents last week and they were so excited. We are waiting until after the 1st trimester to tell our siblings and friends.

Dissertation update:
I finished transcribing all my interviews from my work in Nigeria this past summer and i already started on my data analysis (coding my transcripts). Hopefully, i can get done with that before the end of this month so that i can start writing my 2nd paper. I am not sure if i mentioned this, but 2 of my papers finally got published, after all the ups and downs. Thank God. I am waiting on a 3rd paper under review and i pray for favor with that.

Job update:
I applied to some jobs, spoke to potential mentors and sent my CV out for potential postdoctoral fellowship opportunities. Let's see how that goes. I am praying for favor and God's will.

Whatever the circumstance, there's still hope

The title of this post is my testimony. One word that describes how i feel today is GRATEFUL!!! After taking 2 pregnancy tests on Sunday and Wednesday, I am pregnant. I was told to try to conceive 3 months after my abdominal myomectomy in May. Just our first month of trying and this is what we get:

2 double lines. I am immensely grateful to God almighty. So my encouragement to you is that whatever you are going through, just play your role and know that there is hope. My husband and I are beyond excited and we are just grateful to God for this wonderful gift he has blessed us with. Words are not enough to express the extent of our gratitude. I am awed by God's mercy and faithfulness to us.

Surgery update

I haven't been on this blog in a very long time. A lot has happened since the last time i was here. So i ended up having the surgery. I was referred to Dr. B at this OBGYN practice in town. I had been seeing him for about 2 years from 2010- 2012 since these fibroid aliens were discovered. I decided at the last minute not to have him perform the surgery. After seeing him for 2 years, I did not feel comfortable with him, neither did i feel like he knew what he was going to do. In addition, i did not like his communication skills or his approach. He's so much of a matter-of-fact guy with no compassion. My last appointment with him was in March and he put so much pressure on me to have those aliens removed that i was literally forced to schedule a date for surgery. My spirit was troubled with this decision and I knew deep inside me that he definitely was not the right guy for the job. All along from the very first day the aliens were discovered my prayer to God was that he should order my steps and teach me what to do.

Immediately, I got home that day i started my research on doctors specializing in fibroids. I searched deep and wide and read everything there was on fibroids. I took it like a school assignment and read medical journal articles, books, blogs and everything i could lay my hands on. Eventually i found this wonderful Dr. Gerald Harkins at Milton Hershey Medical center. In just a few words, he is simply the best, hands down. From his gentle smile that keeps you at ease to how he speaks softly and confidently, I was sold. I read up all i could on him (even the medical schools he attended and when he graduated) prior to getting in touch with him and I was satisfied. He related with me like an individual, and not just as a fibroid patient. He seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, as an individual.

The first time i contacted him via email, he personally called me to ask some questions. I was stunned!!! How many doctors do that? Anyway, when i met him, i was convinced that he was the one that would perform the surgery. I felt this peace in my spirit and I knew that was God at work. In a matter of 2 weeks, God had directed me to the right surgeon that would perform the job, something i had been hesitant on for 2 years. I truly know without a shadow of doubt that God ordained everything that happened, right down to the timing!

I scheduled my surgery on May 31st and it lasted for about 3 hours, which was longer than expected. I was in the hospital for 2 nights. After the anesthesia wore off the 1st night, the pain was hell. I was on Toradol given through IV. That was my life saver that night. I could barely eat. Even finding the right position to sleep was a problem. My parents and husband were there with me at the hospital. By the 2nd day, the pain was bearable and i was given oxycodone orally. I was also forced to get out of bed to walk for blood circulation. That was hard. I had to struggle to take baby steps and with the support of my darling husband i was able to walk the hallway of the hospital. My catheter was removed the following day. I did not pass gas for a day or so, and i was told that contributed to the pain i was experiencing. I no longer take passing gas for granted. Gas pain is serious business. The fatigue for the 1st two weeks was something else. I found myself napping all the time.

I was discharged after the 2nd day with strict instructions not to lift anything heavy for about 6 weeks and not do anything strenuous. I strictly obeyed because i was not ready for any mishap. I was glad that i took out those aliens 'cos within 4 weeks i could see my belly shrinking. The recovery was so smooth and every prayer i offered was answered. All in all, i think that was one of the best decisions i ever made with God's help.

Thank you, Jesus!!!

I had an abdominal myomectomy 1 week ago to remove about 12-15 uterine fibroids (i had no idea they were that many) and all i can say is thank you Jesus. I could see the hand of God at work every step of the way- from choosing doctors, to planning the hospital, down to even the appointments. The pain has reduced drastically, just that i still feel pain if i sneeze or cough, and move around too much. I guess that's to be expected. Overall, God has answered every prayer I offered on this surgery and for that i am so thankful. On another day when I get better, I will write about how God ordered my steps to finding this surgeon (one of the best in the field) that ended up performing the surgery, and everything.

I got word that a paper I submitted for an oral presentation was selected at our national conference. Just waiting to hear back from 2 other conferences. My other paper has also been accepted for publication. EXCITED! THANK GOD!!

My sister's wedding was a huge success and I had a wonderful time with family and friends I have not seen in a long time.

Overall, I am in a happy place in my life and i thank God for it.

On a sad note, my heart goes out to all those that passed away in the Dana airlines crash in Nigeria. I pray that God comforts the family left behind. God cares, God knows, God understands.

A lot on my mind

I have a lot of things on my mind. This is a long post...

Sometime in 2010 during my annual exam, my gyne discovered I had uterine fibroids. However, since i had no unusual symptoms, besides the big belly, he suggested watchful waiting and then referred me to another gyne for a 2nd opinion. I was freaking out because the 1st thought that came to my mind was, "Will i be able to get pregnant & have my own children?" Every 6 months, i would go to the gyne for check up and they would tell me it is getting a little bigger. As at 2010 it was 14weeks in size, in 2011 about 20weeks in size. My gyne was very surprised that i was not experiencing any unusual symptoms. I did an ultrasound (US) once towards the end of 2010 and that was when my gyne estimated the size. Since then i have had no other US.

Fast forward to 2011, i went to the same 2 gyne, my main gyne (Dr. A) & the one i was referred to (Dr. B) that examined me in 2010. Dr. A suggested watchful waiting every 6 months & Dr. B suggested surgery. My experience with Dr. B the 1st time i met him was not the best. He was a matter of fact kind of Dr. I know with the research on fibroids, there are no specifics & just a lot of generalities. I left that meeting feeling sad & unsettled. His consultation with me was confusing at best, and useless at worst! I felt he was talking from both sides of his mouth. I felt my co-pay of $75 was just as good as wasted money. Long story short, i didn't gain anything from meeting with him. Dr. B has never ordered for me to have an US so he has an idea of the size & location of the fibroids we are talking about. He is going by the 2010 US Dr. A sent to him and the pelvic exam he does. He said due to the size of the fibroid, there may be difficulty getting pregnant, miscarriages, or a very difficult pregnancy. Only after the fibroids are removed can he tell: 1) what the chances of getting pregnant could be 2) Cesearean section for all future pregnancies.

Meanwhile, I met with one of my "big sisters" where i live who also has/ had fibroids. She had a myomectomy, but she is advising against it. She said that should be the very last option. She suggested exploring other behavioral options like changing one's diet and using supplements. Basically going the holistic health route, since most of these hormonal conditions can be regulated through diet & stuff. I met up with the holistic health specialist & she suggested that she would give me supplements (in the United States, none of these are FDA approved) and a change in diet, and that should regulate my hormones & halt the growth of fibroids. Of course she could not tell me with certainty that it would work, because she does not know! My big sister that uses her services swears that it works. Health insurance does not cover holistic health services, so it would all have to come out of my pocket & it is not cheap!

I had another appointment with Dr. B today. He did the regular pelvic exam and he basically said the same thing he has been saying for over a year. Suggestions: 1) Myomectomy 2) Laparoscopic surgery (he was willing to refer me to an expert, but he doubted that it would be beneficial given the size). I have read deep and wide on fibroids, from empirical research studies to blogs. There are no certain answers. No cure. Fibroids can grow back after surgery. I read recent articles linking hair relaxers to fibroids, but the studies show a correlation, not a causal effect.

If i go the surgery route then i want to have it done before the end of this year. I live alone, so i have to figure out who will stay with me for about 1 month before i am back on my feet. It would be hubby's last year in school so he cannot move here. In addition, it will be my last year in my doctoral program & i will be writing my dissertation and applying for jobs/ interviewing. All of these are factors I have to consider.

It is very interesting that my dissertation research somehow relates to what I am going through now. At the time i chose my topic, I never knew that I would be able to relate to my research in this way, but now I really know how it feels to be in my research participants' shoes & feel what they feel.

However, I do know that God is in control of everything. He will make everything work out for my good. Drs do not know it all, they can only make their best guess. God is the one that has the final say concerning all situations. My hope & trust is in God and i hold on to his promises for my life. I know that I will testify to the goodness of the Lord concerning this. I know that God will use this situation to bring glory to his name. If you can relate to this in anyway, I would love to read your comments.

Putting pen to paper

Hello blogdarls, I just got back from a meeting with one of the professors (SL) on my committee and I feel lost! I wanted to meet up with her early since she is one of the methodologists on my committee to begin my data analysis. Let's just say, I came out of that meeting feeling like I still have a long way to go and I have to get back to the drawing board. Let me give you guys a full picture. I chose to write a 3-paper dissertation rather than the traditional dissertation, because it will give me the opportunity to have 3 more published papers. Also, I decided to collect my data in Nigeria on people living with HIV/AIDS (PLHWA) (yes, indeed! That's story for another day). I have so far come up with Papers 1 & 2, and I have no clue, as of now, what paper 3 will be. SL is a very brilliant lady and some of the things she brought up today are definitely things that are useful and i need to work on. So basically, I have to think through the 2 papers and come up with an outline. I feel very lost, but i know that i can do it. I just need to spend some more time immersed in my data.

In other news, I am going to Nigeria in July for a 4 week data collection/ follow up. I have so many things I want to pour out on here, but I do not have the time right now to type it all out. I'll list them out because I feel it may be useful for another person. I am in a situation right now where my advisor (BB) wants me to do a follow up data collection, but 3 other people on my committee don't think it is necessary. Since BB is the chair of said committee, he holds the final say. Deep down within me I am 95% sure that I will not be getting any new information from my sample. I think the PLHWA i interviewed have already said it all. In addition, some of the PLHWA I have started contacting via phone for a follow up interview are denying ever meeting me or knowing who I am (Big shock??? NO!) Of course, i am not surprised because HIV is still a stigmatized disease in Nigeria, and in many other countries. Another thing i would like to blog about someday is having a senior, tenured professor versus a young, untenured professor as an advisor (the pros & cons of each one). I happen to fall in the former category.

By the way this blog is also to keep me accountable. Before i come back to blog again, I need to work on:

1) Outlines for 2 papers

2) Finish coding the last 10 transcripts

3) Run my stats

I meet up with my 2nd methodologist on Thursday, so we shall see what happens.

Till then, remain blessed.

Baby fever!!!

I have been having serious baby fever. I guess it must be because 7 of my friends recently had babies within the last 2 months. As a matter of fact, I really don't know what to attribute it to. It has always been my intention that DH and I will start trying to conceive in our last year of school, which is not until July of this year. However, I am at a point right now where I have totally succumbed to God's will. When it happens, it happens. I am/ will not actively do anything to prevent having a baby (contraception). 

Some of my concerns with getting pregnant now are:

1. I live alone and I would not want to go through being pregnant by myself.

2. I am a graduate student on a stipend, while DH has student loans (Need I say more)

3. I don't know how being pregnant and writing a dissertation will work out

4. I don't want it to interfere with my plans- writing diss, defending diss, looking for a job

These are really not major concerns. I know of women in my program that got pregnant or are currently pregnant, but they all had their husbands with them. Rather than worry, I have chosen to pray that at God's appointed time, everything should work out fine. Please share your stories with me if you got pregnant while going through graduate school.

Introducing...

Hello blogdarls,
Let me do a quick introduction. I have been blogging since 2004 under a different name. However, I chose to start this anonymous blog to document my journey through the PhD dissertation process. I am a young Nigerian in my late 20's married to the most wonderful man ever. I am currently at the final stage of getting my PhD, which is the dissertation stage- data collection, data analysis, writing & final defense. I got married to my studmuffin/ senior boo/ DH in 2010. My darling husband (DH) is a student working on his professional degree in the healthcare field. We live apart (that sucks, big time!) because our schools are in different states.

We currently do not have children, but we hope to have some lil' munchkins in the near future. I believe God has the final say when it comes to having children, however, our plan is to have children by December 2012, early 2013 or mid 2013.

That's all I can think of now by way of introduction. I hope you enjoy reading my blog as I document my life's story in print.