A lot on my mind

I have a lot of things on my mind. This is a long post...

Sometime in 2010 during my annual exam, my gyne discovered I had uterine fibroids. However, since i had no unusual symptoms, besides the big belly, he suggested watchful waiting and then referred me to another gyne for a 2nd opinion. I was freaking out because the 1st thought that came to my mind was, "Will i be able to get pregnant & have my own children?" Every 6 months, i would go to the gyne for check up and they would tell me it is getting a little bigger. As at 2010 it was 14weeks in size, in 2011 about 20weeks in size. My gyne was very surprised that i was not experiencing any unusual symptoms. I did an ultrasound (US) once towards the end of 2010 and that was when my gyne estimated the size. Since then i have had no other US.

Fast forward to 2011, i went to the same 2 gyne, my main gyne (Dr. A) & the one i was referred to (Dr. B) that examined me in 2010. Dr. A suggested watchful waiting every 6 months & Dr. B suggested surgery. My experience with Dr. B the 1st time i met him was not the best. He was a matter of fact kind of Dr. I know with the research on fibroids, there are no specifics & just a lot of generalities. I left that meeting feeling sad & unsettled. His consultation with me was confusing at best, and useless at worst! I felt he was talking from both sides of his mouth. I felt my co-pay of $75 was just as good as wasted money. Long story short, i didn't gain anything from meeting with him. Dr. B has never ordered for me to have an US so he has an idea of the size & location of the fibroids we are talking about. He is going by the 2010 US Dr. A sent to him and the pelvic exam he does. He said due to the size of the fibroid, there may be difficulty getting pregnant, miscarriages, or a very difficult pregnancy. Only after the fibroids are removed can he tell: 1) what the chances of getting pregnant could be 2) Cesearean section for all future pregnancies.

Meanwhile, I met with one of my "big sisters" where i live who also has/ had fibroids. She had a myomectomy, but she is advising against it. She said that should be the very last option. She suggested exploring other behavioral options like changing one's diet and using supplements. Basically going the holistic health route, since most of these hormonal conditions can be regulated through diet & stuff. I met up with the holistic health specialist & she suggested that she would give me supplements (in the United States, none of these are FDA approved) and a change in diet, and that should regulate my hormones & halt the growth of fibroids. Of course she could not tell me with certainty that it would work, because she does not know! My big sister that uses her services swears that it works. Health insurance does not cover holistic health services, so it would all have to come out of my pocket & it is not cheap!

I had another appointment with Dr. B today. He did the regular pelvic exam and he basically said the same thing he has been saying for over a year. Suggestions: 1) Myomectomy 2) Laparoscopic surgery (he was willing to refer me to an expert, but he doubted that it would be beneficial given the size). I have read deep and wide on fibroids, from empirical research studies to blogs. There are no certain answers. No cure. Fibroids can grow back after surgery. I read recent articles linking hair relaxers to fibroids, but the studies show a correlation, not a causal effect.

If i go the surgery route then i want to have it done before the end of this year. I live alone, so i have to figure out who will stay with me for about 1 month before i am back on my feet. It would be hubby's last year in school so he cannot move here. In addition, it will be my last year in my doctoral program & i will be writing my dissertation and applying for jobs/ interviewing. All of these are factors I have to consider.

It is very interesting that my dissertation research somehow relates to what I am going through now. At the time i chose my topic, I never knew that I would be able to relate to my research in this way, but now I really know how it feels to be in my research participants' shoes & feel what they feel.

However, I do know that God is in control of everything. He will make everything work out for my good. Drs do not know it all, they can only make their best guess. God is the one that has the final say concerning all situations. My hope & trust is in God and i hold on to his promises for my life. I know that I will testify to the goodness of the Lord concerning this. I know that God will use this situation to bring glory to his name. If you can relate to this in anyway, I would love to read your comments.

Putting pen to paper

Hello blogdarls, I just got back from a meeting with one of the professors (SL) on my committee and I feel lost! I wanted to meet up with her early since she is one of the methodologists on my committee to begin my data analysis. Let's just say, I came out of that meeting feeling like I still have a long way to go and I have to get back to the drawing board. Let me give you guys a full picture. I chose to write a 3-paper dissertation rather than the traditional dissertation, because it will give me the opportunity to have 3 more published papers. Also, I decided to collect my data in Nigeria on people living with HIV/AIDS (PLHWA) (yes, indeed! That's story for another day). I have so far come up with Papers 1 & 2, and I have no clue, as of now, what paper 3 will be. SL is a very brilliant lady and some of the things she brought up today are definitely things that are useful and i need to work on. So basically, I have to think through the 2 papers and come up with an outline. I feel very lost, but i know that i can do it. I just need to spend some more time immersed in my data.

In other news, I am going to Nigeria in July for a 4 week data collection/ follow up. I have so many things I want to pour out on here, but I do not have the time right now to type it all out. I'll list them out because I feel it may be useful for another person. I am in a situation right now where my advisor (BB) wants me to do a follow up data collection, but 3 other people on my committee don't think it is necessary. Since BB is the chair of said committee, he holds the final say. Deep down within me I am 95% sure that I will not be getting any new information from my sample. I think the PLHWA i interviewed have already said it all. In addition, some of the PLHWA I have started contacting via phone for a follow up interview are denying ever meeting me or knowing who I am (Big shock??? NO!) Of course, i am not surprised because HIV is still a stigmatized disease in Nigeria, and in many other countries. Another thing i would like to blog about someday is having a senior, tenured professor versus a young, untenured professor as an advisor (the pros & cons of each one). I happen to fall in the former category.

By the way this blog is also to keep me accountable. Before i come back to blog again, I need to work on:

1) Outlines for 2 papers

2) Finish coding the last 10 transcripts

3) Run my stats

I meet up with my 2nd methodologist on Thursday, so we shall see what happens.

Till then, remain blessed.

Baby fever!!!

I have been having serious baby fever. I guess it must be because 7 of my friends recently had babies within the last 2 months. As a matter of fact, I really don't know what to attribute it to. It has always been my intention that DH and I will start trying to conceive in our last year of school, which is not until July of this year. However, I am at a point right now where I have totally succumbed to God's will. When it happens, it happens. I am/ will not actively do anything to prevent having a baby (contraception). 

Some of my concerns with getting pregnant now are:

1. I live alone and I would not want to go through being pregnant by myself.

2. I am a graduate student on a stipend, while DH has student loans (Need I say more)

3. I don't know how being pregnant and writing a dissertation will work out

4. I don't want it to interfere with my plans- writing diss, defending diss, looking for a job

These are really not major concerns. I know of women in my program that got pregnant or are currently pregnant, but they all had their husbands with them. Rather than worry, I have chosen to pray that at God's appointed time, everything should work out fine. Please share your stories with me if you got pregnant while going through graduate school.

Introducing...

Hello blogdarls,
Let me do a quick introduction. I have been blogging since 2004 under a different name. However, I chose to start this anonymous blog to document my journey through the PhD dissertation process. I am a young Nigerian in my late 20's married to the most wonderful man ever. I am currently at the final stage of getting my PhD, which is the dissertation stage- data collection, data analysis, writing & final defense. I got married to my studmuffin/ senior boo/ DH in 2010. My darling husband (DH) is a student working on his professional degree in the healthcare field. We live apart (that sucks, big time!) because our schools are in different states.

We currently do not have children, but we hope to have some lil' munchkins in the near future. I believe God has the final say when it comes to having children, however, our plan is to have children by December 2012, early 2013 or mid 2013.

That's all I can think of now by way of introduction. I hope you enjoy reading my blog as I document my life's story in print.